Pretentiousness: Come to Providence to get your Freak On, and Move to East Greenwich to Live

So we spent some time with our friends Nick and Beth. They live on the Warwick/East Greenwich line so they’re treated to the East Greenwich Magazine (August 2009 is the most current issue).

The magazine is mostly real estate ads with prices starting around half a million and moving into astronomically expensive. If you want your little piece of suburbia, you’re going to pay for it in more ways than one.

Anyhow they had a story about some suburbanites named Nikki, Barbara, Bella, and Midge. They went on Safari in Tanzania. You know, in Africa.

Now you’re think they did it the old fashioned way, sleeping in tents with mosquito nets, the sounds of the jungle sounding as though they’re in the tent with you. But no, they slept in a custom 4×4 that included “gourmet meals, a bathroom, but no electricity!”

The pretentiousness of this kills me. And it was one of the kids ideas to do this for her bat mitzvah. You just know the kid must have figured, lets take Grandma on a Safari. Lets make her rough it. Maybe she’ll kick and we’ll get the money to hit Europe

But Grandma was a sly old fox, decided to outfox her young granddaughters and probably bought the 4×4. Ha ha kiddies, no inheritance for you this year.

Looking through East Greenwich magazine you see all sorts of indication of the insanities of suburbia. From editor Kate’s little knick knacks and photos that ‘inspire’ her to the Safari troop. Highly pretentious shit!

That lead me to contrast EG Mag to Providence Magazine. That’s filled with night spot ads, pseudo hookup ads, strip club ads, and maybe a nice article about the city or two. In other words, get your freak on in Providence, and then get the McMansion in East Greenwich.

My favorite is when we all go to the supermarkets or stores in the area. They look at Keyron as thought they never saw a black person. Come to think of it, they probably never did. East Greenwich, to my eyes anyhow, is lilly fucking white. You might have a few Latino’s but they’re the light skinned variety, none of those brown people.

It is truly like stepping into another world. And I cannot wait to get back home to the city whenever I encounter such shuddering things like suburbia. Providence might not be huge, but it is a city and I love it here.

In other news the legislature in Rhode Island mysteriously tabled the prostitution loophole bill. I think it might have gone down like this:

They submitted a bill to close that awful loophole that allowed prostitution to take place indoors in RI. But then when they did the research they found out that the law was put in place in the mid 1970’s to get the prostitutes off the street. Let me tell you, I grew up in the 1970’s and 1980’s and the prostitution was legendary. Having a law against it made no difference at all, people were still peddling their ass in the streets. The thinking in 1974 was to move it inside.

Not a bad move if you ask me. Look, you want to be a convention city. Prostitutes are just part and parcel of the whole convention scene.

But in other news it was noted that a court ruled that a 16 year old could in fact work in a strip club but had to be home by 11:30PM. The City of Providence promptly moved to ban anyone under 18 from stripping but I can guess that won’t last long. One of two things will happen, competition will open in other communities that border Providence or the strip club owners will file suit against the city. One way or another, you’re going to start seeing young tail in the strip clubs.

I was toying around with some scenarios this might bring up. Here we go!

[Scene] Inside a fairly seedy strip club. Darling Nikki is doing her pole dance when in rolls her lecherous grandpa in his tricked out wheelchair.

“Grandpa! Oh my go, Grandpa! How are you? Here, let me give you a lap dance”

Either that or they bussed grandpa in from the local nursing home. Either way, I can see some really funny shit going down.

3 thoughts on “Pretentiousness: Come to Providence to get your Freak On, and Move to East Greenwich to Live

  1. This last part is just really bad visuals…….
    I am from Nevada where prostitution is legal in counties of less than 100,000 people, or in other words every county but Clark, where Vegas is and Washoe where Reno is……(you have to drive about 15 miles out of each city to find legal prostitution) But, we still have “street walkers” and they are NOT legal in Nevada, it is sad to say most of these ladies can’t get work in the brothels because they are drug addicted or are AIDS infected. The brothels do drug testing/health screens and won’t hire if your test comes up positive for either.
    As to the all white neighborhoods, it might be because of Realtors, who still practice redlining tactics (only showing clients “the right ethnic” neighborhoods, not giving you a true choice of where you want to live) or as I am finding out, the fear of turning “white” by persons of color if they move to a “gentrified” area. This last one surprised me, I never thought about that, but a few friends and acquaintances have said this recently when talking about how segregated this country still is in one of my classes.

  2. I grew up in Scituate. When I was in elementary school, the other kids used to ask me if I was “black”, or “mexican”, because being southern italian, I was the closest thing to either one that they’d ever seen. To be fair though, one of the Indian guys at the Bombay Club asked me “where are you from?” today.

    As for East Greenwich, did you really expect anything more from them to begin with? It’s still basically Victorian society down there*. I can’t wait until my generation can run that system into the ground, as we inevitably will.

    *the irony though, is that Victorian society was actually much more urbane and publicly minded than we are.

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