What it means to be of Italian Extraction

Got this from one of my facebook friends. Found much of it funny. My commentary in bold.


1) You will never play professional basketball.

Pretty damned obvious when you’re only 5’9″ on a good day.

2) You swear very well.

Like a mother fucking trooper!

3) At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral home owner or holds political office. And you have at least one relative who is either a nun or a priest.

No nuns or priests in the family that I know about. One fireman though. And at the age of 19 a friend suggested we become police officers. I looked at him and said “Us, with guns and badges would not be a good idea. Read further and you’ll understand it.

4) You think you sing very well.

Actually I don’t. I do have a voice good for FM radio though.

5) You have no idea how to make a long story short!

You don’t know the half of it. If it’s something I’m really passionate about it’s easy for me to crank out a few thousand words on the subject.

6) There isn’t a big difference between you losing your temper or killing someone.

See point #3 above. I had a very hot temper as a young man and yes, no big difference between losing it and killing someone.

7) Many of your childhood meals were boiled and store bought pasta or sauce/gravy was a mortal sin.

This one is a little nonsensical but I think what they’re saying is that either the pasta or the sauce or even BOTH were home made. Yep, except the pasta. Why make it when you can buy it?

8) You have never hit your head on a ceiling.

9) You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer.

Actually avoided that particular thing as my belief in the almighty as severely wavering after the age of eight.

10) You’re exceptionally poetic after a few bottles of vino.

Or sleepy.

11) Some punches directed at you are from legacies of past generations.

Oh yeah. No doubt about that one!

12) Many of your sisters and/or cousins are named Maria, Teresa, Gina or Sophia and there is at least one member of your family with the full name of Maria Teresa Sophia.

Since I was an only child up until my teen years when two adopted sisters came into my life I can actually say that no such thing happened. Only have one female cousin and her name is Rhonda.

13) Someone in your family is very generous. It is more than likely you.

Roger that!

14) You may not know the words, but that doesn’t stop you from singing.

Actually it does.

15) You can’t wait for the other guy to stop talking before you start talking.

This one is dead on! Always want to jump it. It’s what makes us bad empaths.

16) You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency.

I’m pretty good with deadpan humor.

17) There wasn’t a huge difference between your last wake and your last christening party. All life is to be celebrated.

Very true. You bury em’ or christen em’ and there’s the meal afterwards.

18) You are, or know someone, named Anthony/Tony or Toni/Antoinette.

I’m a one of those. In fact in my family, up until my grandfather died there were four of us with the same first name, and spread across the generations. And what does my cousin do, but name his youngest Anthony. Keep it going!

19) If you don’t know Tony – then you know Sal. If you don’t know Sal or Luigi, then you know Joe, Frank, or Dino. Then you also probably know Rocco and his brothers.

Actually know a Sal and a Rocco.

20) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.

Not me. I know where the bodies are buried and I’ll never tell. I know what the definitio of omerta happens to be.
21) You have Italian Alzheimer’s, you forget everything but the grudges!

22) ‘Italian Leftovers’ is a euphemism for ‘spaghetti and meatballs.’ Mangia!!!

Very true. When I was in my early 20’s I used to visit my grandmother every Sunday and she’d pack me up with so much pasta and meatballs, braciola, sausage, pepperoni, etc. that I could eat for a week.

23) You never need a spray tan – you always have warm coloring! If you are fair – you still tan beautifully (after the 1st burn).

Yep. I’m not lilly white per se, but when I tan it’s a brown that tends more toward red (That due to the fact that part of my ancestry is also Mohawk.)

24) Childhood remedies for the common cold often included some form of warmed spiced vino.

Chicken soup.

25) There’s no leaving a family party without saying goodbye for at least 45 minutes.

That was the part that used to drive me nuts when I was a teen. Just say goodbye and lets go, my friends are waiting for me.

26) At this very moment, you have at least two relatives who are not speaking to each other. Not fighting, mind you, just not speaking to each other.

Yes that would be my father and I. He’s firmly in the “Dead to me.” category these days.

5 thoughts on “What it means to be of Italian Extraction

  1. My mother is first generation Italian and her family epitomizes some of the stereo-types. I laughed out loud at some of these for sure. I can totally relate on a number of these.

  2. niente de serio…niente de serio !

    que cosa ??
    que cosa ??

    lady-gaga, me chiama…



    ilea aecta est,

    jovenes-optimites, evocato-auxillio

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