Month: August 2017

Blueberries – Why can’t I have any

So this weekend when we went shopping I got a container of blueberries. As we’re coming out of the supermarket the kid who packed the bag had the blueberries at top of the bag and they and a soup I’d bought were ejected out onto the pavement.

So I picked up another package of blueberries up at Trader Joe’s. I just was told they leaped out of the refrigerator onto the floor near the kitty litter box.

Can’t catch a fucking break. No blueberries for me this week I guess.

Who knew another front wheel drive vehicle could burn rubber

So today I was driving a 2016 Volkswagen Golf TSi. Pulling into Trader Joe’s I hit the gas and it started making the tires sing. I love that.

Some time ago I’d posted how a Toyota Sienna could chirp the tires. Well the Volkswagen can do it too.

And I’m an assertive driver – always have been. No need to be a shrinking violet when you drive. Balls to the walls, bang out. If you’re not getting a car near red line you’re not living.

One thing I hate about WP tags and categories

It’s that Christian asswipes tag their posts with Atheism and therefore pollute reader results on WordPress.

I don’t want to read your scriptures, and your admonishments to atheists. Look, the very name means I don’t believe in your puny little god. Let me put it this way, throughout the 300,000 or so of mans existence we’ve had numerous gods, ancestors etc. Not a one of them has done a damned thing for mankind.

Keep your Christianity tagged as such – not with Atheism because you’re not going to convert me based on hijacking the term atheist/ism. Sorry – not gonna happen. I realized long ago there’s no god, no devil, no nothing and spouting scripture at me won’t do it. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof. Now dry up and blow away.

On Speed Limits

So let it be known I already find most posted speed limits where I live to be just south of ridiculously low, even into the sublime.

Main thoroughfare near me is posted 25MPH. It moves at about 30-35MPH.

I-95 which is about 1,500 feet from me. Speed on that are interesting. If you’re traveling north on I-95 it has posted limits of 55PMH, 50MPH and 45MPH. Speeds start at around 60MPH and up from there.

But the southern stretch of I-95 between Providence and Coventry  – the right lane is for the speed limit, the left lane is for ludicrous speed. I’ve clocked 90MPH on that baby. But posted goes from 55MPH to 65MPH.

The issue with it is that I remember when I was very young I recall seeing the 70MPH speed limit signs on I-95 in RI. Of course the gas crunch and safety nazis are what moved us to 55MPH nationally. It needs to stop. Cars now are MUCH safer and capable. These aren’t our fathers cars anymore. They’ve got traction control, and all sorts of gizmos to make it safer.

Wow – I think it might work

So I’ve taken a new tactic as I get older. When companies piss me off I post here, linkedin, Facebook, Twitter and even Google+.

I tried depositing money to buy bitcoin again and I haven’t gotten a decline yet. Amazing. And I note the currency is already up by 40%. Nice.

Trying to buy Bitcoin for new currency purchases with Simplex

So I’ve recently decided to buy a new crypto currency. But to do so you need to purchase bitcoin. This particular site uses Simplex or Simplexcc to do the credit/debit transactions. And even more delicious, the CEO of Simplex is Nimrod Lehavi. Yeah you see the humor there.

The reason Simplex exists is because up until last year when the company formed, you could buy bitcoins with a credit card, then dispute the charge and they couldn’t rescind the bitcoin you’d bought.

Now Simplex requires a high level of verifying information. You must use a PIN sent to you via text message to activate, then your full name, card number, expiration and CCV. Then you upload a photo of you holding the card with the middle eight digits obscured.

So we’ve tried, two different accounts, computers, operating systems, browsers – and the verification step never occurs. So you get an email saying thanks for the transaction and then 30 to 60 minutes later you get the decline email.

And of course the decline email just says it’s declined – not why. But a little deduction goes a long way. It’s because it never asked us to upload the image while holding the card and obscuring the middle eight digits.

Emails to their support essentially equate to RTFM – which if you know me if you start saying that it means I’m reaching out to Nimrod and asking him what the fuck is going on. I’ve follow his ass on LinkedIn. I’m sure he and I will have a nice little chat.

Because I’ve found through experience – embarrassment of a company is somewhat effective, notifying the CEO gets a fire lit under someones ass to fix the problem.

Question Atheists can’t answer? Really?

It’s the following with my annotations in bold.
Dear Christians,

Are you tired of atheists claiming they are more intellectual and smarter that Christians? Do you want to continue the good fight against the satanic secular machine that has hijacked this nation from being Christian? Look no further! Here are a bunch of clever questions you can ask atheists. When they fail to answer these questions, show them the truth from the Bible and watch as they are lead to the light.

1. If creationists can’t do science, then why do Kent Hovind and Duane T. Gish, who are creation scientists, have professional degrees in science?

Perhaps because they got them at religious schools that really don’t jibe well with actual science.

2. If dinosaurs turned into birds, why are we not afraid of them?

Birds can be pretty nasty. Ever been attacked by a Blue Jay? Shit on by a Pidgeon?

3. If homosexuality is right, then how come two people of the same sex not produce a child?

{sigh} The old the parts don’t fit argument. To quote moralist John Corvino, Yes they do. However technology is marching along and all we’d need for two guys is a host mother and even she might be irrelevant in the future.

4. What purpose do we have if evolution is real?

None whatsoever. Well wait – live, love and enjoy. That’s all.

5. You say Jesus never existed, but have you heard of the Shroud of Turin?

Which of course has been debunked many times over.

6. Why do we not see humans being born in the zoos from monkeys if we came from monkeys?

That is because there are many transitional species and your understanding of genetics is astoundingly dimwitted.

7. Why do we go to church if God is not real?

Because someone told us to do it. Some of us realized that someone was a false god.

8. How did the Grand Canyon form?

A whole lot of water is what did it. And not the biblical flood story.

9. Do you know that Jesus loves you?
If he existed I’d be a monkeys uncle. Unless of course he’s a cute Latino and well hung.

10. If Christianity is false, then why is it popular?
Because by and large the populace is stupid. And I do mean mind boggling stupid. 

11. If you say Christianity is not true, then why do hundreds of people continue to become saved every day?

Maybe it’s the need for community. But by and large it’s because they don’t have the cognitive ability to have a finely tuned bullshit meter. 

12. Why do we not see half trees and half carrots, fronkeys, and crocoducks if evolution is real?

Because again the author of these questions doesn’t understand evolution. It’s not a linear process but a branching process.

13. Why is Richard Dawkins afraid to debate Ray Comfort?

Because he knows he’d be unable to prevent himself from laughing out loud at some of the things coming out of Ray Comfort’s mouth. Come on, ever see his video explaining how the banana proves God’s existence?
14. Did you know Christopher Hitchens was saved before death?

Not aware of that, and if it was done it wasn’t’ with Hitchens consent. 

15. Are you aware Ray Comfort disproved atheism with a banana?

I’m aware he tried. It was the most awkwardly laughable segment I’ve ever seen. 

16. Why do people laugh at evolutionists?

People don’t laugh at evolutionists, for the pure humor it takes creation. 

17. How did the planets form when the Big Bang explosion all of a sudden happen? After all, you don’t see round objects form when something blows up.

And the author proves he’s a nitwit. When the Big Bang happened it was a hot, dense soup of quantum. It took 9.3 billion years for the laws of gravity to pull enough gas together and form stars and the remaining matter formed into the rocky bodies that are Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars. Further out are the gas giants like Neptune and Saturn. 

18. If evolution is real, how can it explain gravity, angular momentum, human emotions, and why we worship God?

Whoa – this one is a total apples to oranges comparison. You see gravity and angular momentum belong in the physics realm, human emotion and why we worship are int eh domain of the nuerobiology. 

19. How did pond scum make living things appear out of nowhere?

Well how did some e coli bacteria in a  lab at Brown University evolve to eat the growth medium instead of the food? 

20. How can evolution be true if we don’t see pocket watches or airplanes form by themselves?

I’d ask how do you know there’s not a universe where this might be the case? I mean really, you’re thinking a sky fairy will just pop them into existence. Far as I know the sky fairy of the Bible could only do animate matter. 

21. Did you know that dinosaurs and man lived together?

More like no. All that was around at the time of the dinosaurs were mammals about the size of a rat, yes they are one of our ancestors. 

22. If evolution is real, then why do caring people like Rick Santorum argue that it must be challenged in the classroom?

Because Rick Santorum is in so many words a moron. 

23. Why are youtube atheists like AronRa and Thunderf00t afraid to debate Ray Comfort?

See my answer regarding Richard Dawkins. Same applies here – the humor factor. 

24. Why do we celebrate Christmas if Christianity is not real?

Because Christians hijacked the holiday from the pagans, I mean come on the tree, the light, the yule – all pagan symbols. 

25. If creationists can’t do science, then why does the website Answersingenesis have proven science articles from creationists that do science?

See my answer about biased education and you’ll understand that creationists don’t have a leg to stand on. 

26. If evolution is true, then why can’t white people compete to be good in basketball like black people? After all, white people can’t jump!

Well so far as I’m aware, homo originated in Africa and then the diaspora out from there into Europe and Asian happened. 

27. Where do you decide to fit God in your everyday life if you don’t believe in him?

I don’t fit him in at all. I know he doesn’t exist. 

28. Why is Christianity the fastest growing religion if it’s false?

Because the globe is filled with stupid people. 

29. Do you feel free to commit murders, homosexuality, go to strip bars, steal, commit adultery, and do other sins since you believe there is no God?

Sort of a mixed bag there, sure I’d like to kill people but the frontal lobe stops me. As far as homosexuality, I practice on a regular basis. Dumb ass loaded questions. 

30. Why do the fossils say no to evolution?

What fucking planet are you from? 

31. Why did Darwin admit that how the eye formed is impossible?

Darwin was a product of 19th century education – 20th and 21st century is barely better. 

32. Where did everything come from if there is no God?

Well Dorothy there’s the quantum world, and maybe even string theory. All of it posits many worlds and universes. 

33. If there is no God, then why do we have laws that govern us, such as speed limits?

Dear non existent deity – the further I get in these questions the more amused I get. Speed limits? Set by civil authority for the revenue enhancement.

34. Do you know where you are going when you die?

Nope I don’t have any idea where I’ll die – a fair idea of when though. 

35. Why do we not act like monkeys if it is true we came from monkeys?

Every watch chimps and monkeys? I mean really watch them? We’re more like them than people would believe. 

36. Why do we display The Ten Commandments in the courtrooms if you say the Bible is not real?

Because at least here in the United States there is in fact separation of church and state. So those ten commandments do not belong in a courtroom. 

37. Why should be it wrong to rape if God is not real?

If you really want to ask that question I say go read your Bible – plenty of raping going on in those texts. 

38. Why is The Passion of The Christ very high on the Box Office?

Because America loves a snuff film. I watched it, gory as fuck. 

39. How can America not be a Christian nation if there are way more churches than mosques?

Um where I live we were the first state with a Baptist, Muslim and Jewish centers for worship. 

40. How is the bible not real if it’s the most popular book read by man?

Well – just look at how many different VERSIONS of the Bible are out there. 

41. How did the moon form?

A collision with another rogue planet perhaps? 

42. Did you know that famous scientists like Newton, Sir Richard Owen, Einstein, Galileo, and Copernicus were creationists?

How fucking presumptuous of the author. Einstein pretty much didn’t think God existed. 

43. Why do we not see black people come from white people?

The author of these questions is really a dumb mother fucker. You see there are some ‘white’ people who have had a child with darker skin. And vice versa. 

44. Why are fruitflies still fruitflies in the lab experiments if they are claimed to prove evolution?

I did the fruit fly experiment in high school. It was the eye color. I suppose if we’d allowed the experiment to go longitudinal we’d see the fly themselves start to change in other ways. 

45. Did you know that the Piltdown Man was a hoax used for Darwinist propaganda?

No I did not know this. I know it was a hoax though. 

46. Why do we not see frogs turn into birds?

Because the frog has adapted to its environment? 

47. Why is Fox News dishonest if it is a network run by truthful Christians?

Well because we cannot accept that one calling themselves a Christian are honest. 

48. Why did Hitler fail to make a superior race if evolution is true?

Because Hitler believed in pseudo science. That’s why. 

Yours in Christ,

Martin Baker